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FOOD AND CODEPENDENCY
In the spirit of the season of giving, let’s talk about the correlation between food and codependency. What do the Christmas story, food, and codependency have in common? When I think of Christ’s birth, I think of a baby surrounded by love who made himself completely vulnerable to love…to the three wise men, his mother, his adopted father, Joseph, and even to the farm animals with whom he shared the manger. He allowed himself to RECEIVE love and in receiving love he could give complete love. Codependency is the antithesis of this. It can be defined as spending too much time, attention, and energy on something outside of oneself, be it food, another person, work, shopping or anything outside of ourselves. Those of us who have issues with food, usually give too much to others and neglect ourselves in the process, and this most often shows up in our eating.
Are you a woman who gives or loves too much? December is not for rookies in this arena. Even the most well-adjusted human being may find herself focusing on others and searching for the perfect gift this season so much so that your needs, your SELVES, have completely been pushed into the background. Often those of us who eat too much, spend too much. This is because the same hole that we try to fill with food we try to fill with things. Food is a way to avoid getting in touch with a self and by putting down the food, you may find you don’t really know who you are, and that can be really scary. There is no time like this holiday season, the season of giving, to begin to either get to know who you really are or to begin to create a self.
If you literally shop till you drop, you may arrive home ravenous or realize at 4 pm you haven’t eaten all day only to grab 5 or 6 Christmas cookies and wind up eating all night to make up for the calories you didn’t ingest earlier in the day. Rather than starting your day thinking about giving to those on your holiday list, how about giving to yourself first. Before you head out for your shopping jaunt, head to the table for a healthful breakfast and plan to stop for lunch at a restaurant with healthy choices on your shopping expedition. This will not only allow you to maintain a consistent energy level throughout the day, but will even improve your buying choices because your brain won’t be fogged from feeling starved or from gooey cinnamon buns or cookies readily available in most shopping malls.
If you’ve spent most of your life giving too much to others you may stumble for an answer when asked what it is YOU really like or what would really make YOU happy. If you have often focused on food as a way to reward yourself or stuff the feelings you have about constantly giving to others and ignoring your own needs, you may have ideas about what foods you prefer but may come up short in filling in information for other preferences you have. After my divorce, in order to reclaim myself, I recall compiling a list of things I liked and disliked . These included types of music, activities, restaurants, and even places to visit. I recall taking some sporting apparatus to a sporting goods resale shop to get rid of it, aware that I had been trying create a non-existent affinity for a particular sport just to make my previous spouse happy. Take stock of what activities you are engaging in merely to make others happy or to keep peace and which ones you truly enjoy. If you have been so lost in others lives that you don’t even know what to put on your list, begin experimenting. Ask yourself what sounds like fun for you to try. Even if you aren’t certain you will like that dance class or radio station, you will obtain more information about yourself by experimenting. Remember that our list of “dislikes” is equally as important as our list of “likes.”
Rather than slaving in the kitchen to woo others with your delectable delights and miss the holiday from overworking and not taking care of yourself, set boundaries. Tell your family you will be preparing the main course and ask everyone else to provide their contribution to the meal. Because you will not be as tired physically or emotionally, you will be less likely to overeat, will be taking care of yourself, and will be able to take the time to actually visit with your company and look into them rather than at them this season. By moving out of codependence into interdependence, giving to yourself first and getting to know who you are, you are giving both yourself and your company the greatest gift this holiday season, the gift of presence rather than presents.
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